It seems like Ted Ngoy has everything. He started as a penniless Cambodian refugee and now he’s a millionaire with a thriving network of doughnut shops. He’s a leader and a role model in the immigrant community in southern California. Ted has built a beautiful life for himself and his family…
But under the surface, all is not well.
In 1977, the same year Ted bought his first doughnut shop, he and his wife take a trip to Las Vegas. After all, that’s what all the other successful Californians are doing. Ted and his wife see a show and enjoy some food. It makes them feel rich and important. They don’t gamble… at least not on that first trip. But it isn’t their last visit to Vegas. Ted is curious, so on later trips he plays a few games. He places a few bets.
And… he likes it.
The best businessmen are risk takers.. and Ted is a great businessman. He went out on a limb when he bought his first doughnut shop. He took another gamble when he bought his next shop, and then his next. Again and again, the risk has paid off. It’s a thrilling and rewarding ride for Ted. The fact that he’s never quite satisfied is part of what makes him such a great entrepreneur. But as the years pass and Ted becomes more successful, there are fewer risks to take as he grows his empire. He has plenty of money and a well-established business model. He has figured it out.
But gambling… that’s a new risk. He gets a rush every time he places a bet. He starts to love that feeling he gets when he gambles. He says it’s like “a bolt of pure excitement and adrenaline. It is as if the thrill of an entire career as an entrepreneur were condensed into one moment of bliss.”
It starts as a way to blow off some steam, but soon he starts to chase that feeling. It feels innocent. After all, he’s rich. He can afford to lose some money in the casinos of Vegas. What’s $5 to a millionaire? For that matter, what’s $50?… or $500?
It’s all in good fun, right?
So Ted goes back to Vegas again, and again, and again. He wagers more and more of his hard-earned money. And before he realizes what has happened, his affinity for gambling has become a full-blown addiction.
In his memoir, Ted recounts one particular day in Vegas. He’s hiding behind the slot machines in a casino, peering out at his wife and children. His wife looks around the casino, her face worn and tired. She knows her husband is somewhere in Vegas gambling away their money, but she doesn’t know exactly where. Out of desperation, she flew here with the children to find him and bring him home. But despite her anguish, her search is futile.
The staff at the casino are no help. They are only too willing to let Ted hide. Ted can see the pain in her eyes. He knows he should show himself and go home with her, but the pull of the gambling is just… too strong.
“I waited there,” he says, “like a convict who ducks away from the spotlight during a jailbreak. When I peered out a few moments later, she and the children had moved on. They hadn’t seen me. I was safe—though that was hardly the way anyone else would have described my predicament.”
It’s a scene that repeats itself multiple times in the 80s as Ted’s addiction begins to consume more and more of his life. Without telling anyone, Ted will drive to airport, hop on a plane to Las Vegas and spend hours—even days—gambling in the casinos. He starts out small, but soon he’s betting thousands of dollars at a time. His wife begs him to give it up, but he just can’t seem to let it go. He loves it too much. He loves it more than he loves his own family.
For a while, Ted keeps up a double life. He grows the doughnut business while also feeding his addiction. But the gambling starts to catch up to him. He gambles more and more, placing larger and larger bets. Ted finds that he no longer has time for his family or his business.
At first, there are minor business errors—he forgets to make payments on time, he fails to order supplies, or he misses opportunities to acquire new shops. With Ted’s mind elsewhere, the business stops growing and before long, Ted starts to burn though his savings.
His wife is the first to notice the change. Their relationship grows more and more strained. Then Ted’s friends who run doughnut shops for him start to notice the change too. He no longer treats them with the kindness and generosity they’re used to. He’s stricter about their payments and he doesn’t seem to care so much about helping struggling immigrants. Now he just cares about the money coming in.
Ted’s carefully constructed life is starting to unravel.
Finally, he realizes he has a problem he cannot solve. Ted tries a gamblers support group, but that does nothing to stop his addiction, so he tries religion. He goes to a Buddhist temple in Washington D.C. He spends a month there, trying to clear his head and shake his gambling problem. But when he returns to normal life, he also returns to gambling.
In desperation, Ted flies to Thailand and travels to another Buddhist temple. The temple is close to the Cambodian border so Ted feels close to home. He joins the monks there in their life of self-denial. He lives a sparse existence, his head shaved, his feet bare, begging for his food with the other monks. He hopes to purify himself—purge out the addiction.
After three months, Ted returns to California a changed man. But despite his altered demeanor and thinner frame, he hasn’t shaken the gambling. Within weeks of his return, Ted is back in Vegas.
There seems to be nothing left for Ted to try.
But one day, Ted’s mother tells him he needs to try Jesus Christ. She has become a Christian and she thinks Ted should too. Ted is a Buddhist, but when his mother encourages him to trust in Jesus, he thinks back to those early days when his family first came to California. He remembers the kindness of those Christians who sponsored them when they first came. He thinks of Dean and others who went out of their way to help him get on his feet. If Christianity could produce such kind, caring people, maybe it is worth a try.
So Ted starts to read the Bible. He starts to attend church services, trying all the Christian churches he can find. And slowly, he begins to be convinced. He pours his heart and soul into his search for the truth and after all he sees and learns, he decides to follow Jesus.
I can’t see into any other man’s heart and it’s hard to tell from Ted’s own writing how clearly he understood the Biblical message of salvation by grace through faith in Christ alone, but Ted points to his conversion as “the most important decision of all”. He also says it was a major factor in his finally breaking his gambling habit.
He did experience victory after all.
But Ted’s life doesn’t magically go back to what it was before. The scars remain. Ted decides it’s time to give up the doughnut business and return to Cambodia. He wants to be a part of helping his nation rebuild after all she has endured in the past two decades. He also knows it will help to be half a world away from the place he associates with gambling. Ted sells the doughnut shops and flies to Cambodia. Just like that, the doughnut empire is gone.
In Cambodia, Ted’s family, too, starts to unravel. Many in the Cambodian-American community also turn their backs on Ted. Later, when he returns to California and asks for help, many of his former friends want nothing at all to do with him. Ted may be experiencing victory over his addiction, but the painful memories are still there and trust takes a long time to rebuild.
Ted has had lots of ups and downs since his time running doughnut shops in southern California and time has healed many wounds, but Ted Ngoy is not the man he once was. Many still affectionately call him the “Donut King”, but he no longer has a kingdom.
Samson is the man. He’s got the attention of his own people, the Israelites, and of their enemies, the Philistines. Everyone, friend or foe, is afraid of Samson. He’s fabulously strong and he’s not afraid to kill his enemies if they cross him. He’s got a quick temper and it only takes one brush with Samson to learn that you should keep your distance when he’s angry. Samson gets what he wants because no one dares stand in his way.
Samson wants a woman named Delilah. But after being bested by Samson several times, the Philistine leaders are finally catching on. They have discovered Samson’s weakness. This time, instead of attacking Samson, they have a secret conversation with Delilah.
Delilah and Samson start to develop a relationship and one day, once Delilah is sure that Samson is within her grasp, she asks him a question. “Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth”. (Judges 16:6)
It’s a suspicious question and Samson suspects that Delilah may be on the take from the Philistines, so he answers her question with a flat-out lie.
Seven new bowstrings, that’s what he tells her, bowstrings that are fresh and unused—that’s what it will take to break his power. Tie him up with those and he’ll be like an ordinary man.
Surprise surprise, Delilah’s Philistine co-conspirators wait until he falls asleep at Delilah’s place, then tie him up with seven fresh bowstrings. Delilah mocks dismay as she cries out, “The Philistines be upon thee, Samson.” (Judges 16:9)
Samson wakes up, scoffs, and breaks the strands apart without breaking a sweat.
Samson was right to be suspicious. Now he knows without a doubt that Delilah is working for the enemy. His girlfriend is trying to get him captured. Time to call off the relationship… right?
But Samson doesn’t want to. He likes Delilah too much. Besides, this is all a game to him.
Delilah asks him again and he concocts another lie… with the same result. Surely, Samson knows he is playing with fire, but he continues, telling Delilah a third lie when she asks him once again to divulge the source of his superhuman strength. But why, why does Samson keep coming over to Delilah’s place? Doesn’t he know that this can only end in disaster?
I can only guess that Samson keeps playing this game because, whether he realizes it or not, he can’t help himself. Samson’s desire for Delilah is too strong and no matter how clear the warning signs are, telling him to turn around while he’s still got time, he’s going to keep driving down that road until he meets with tragedy.
Delilah has been duped three times now, but she’s not done. She really starts to pull on Samson’s heart strings.
“How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.” (Judges 16:15)
Day after day, she questions his love, she pesters him for an answer, she pressures him to tell her the truth. And Samson finally gives in. He tells her, “if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.” (Judges 16:17)
And so it goes. You probably know the rest. The Philistines shave Samson’s head, he loses his strength, they capture him, they put out his eyes, and they make him a laughingstock—a symbol of the fact that their god is better than the Israelite God.
It’s a deeply sad story. And reading it, I just want to take Samson aside and somehow get some sense into his head. “Don’t do it, Samson! Don’t listen to her! Get away from Delilah! This is all going to end in disaster!”
But I can’t do that, and somehow I think it wouldn’t do any good anyway. Because Samson thought his sin with Delilah was just a game. He thought he could play that game and win. He found out too late that he was a slave to his own desires.
Ted Ngoy said, “For a long time, I believed I could control it. Addiction is funny that way. It acts on you in the sneakiest fashion, assuring you that you are in control, that you can stop any time, and that things have not gotten so bad. The addiction tells you that one roll of the dice, one great hand, is all you need to make things right. Because when things are going well for the addict, life feels so right.”
But it’s not right. Sin is powerful. Sin is sneaky. Sin is destructive.
James states it strikingly in James 1:15: “Then when lust [or desire] hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”
We play a dangerous game when we treat sin flippantly. It’s easy to think that we are in control, that our desires are something we can play with and indulge how and when we like. We think we can turn them on and off at will. Just a little sin doesn’t hurt anybody, does it?
The Bible paints a very different picture of sin. God tells us that sin is ugly; it is evil; it is bad enough that you and I deserve death because of it; and Jesus had to die to pay that penalty on our behalf.
Sin is a big deal. And sin has a lot of power. God takes sin very seriously, and so must we.
Learn More
Ted’s Memoir (Amazon)
Articles about Ted (californiasunday.com, latimes.com, rafu.com)
Exempla 