Concealed, Ko Dwah peers through the foliage at the strange scene before him. An abandoned pagoda stands in a small clearing, half-swallowed by the jungle. Next to the pagoda, a man is seated, reading a book. As Ko Dwah watches, the man rises, tucks the book under his arm, and begins to pace back and forth across the clearing. As he paces, there is deep sorrow etched in every line of his face. His mouth moves silently.
It’s all wrong. This American doesn’t belong in the middle of the jungle. Ko Dwah knows that no one in their right mind would venture out this far. But Adoniram Judson is not thinking about the danger of tiger attacks. Ko Dwah is aware that Judson is known as a powerful teacher and man of God. He is the one who abandoned his home to bring the light of God to the people of Burma. He is the one who has endured heartache and trouble with strength and resolve. How can this man be facing desperation so profound that he has taken his Bible and ventured alone so deep into the dangerous Burmese jungle?
Ko Dwah watches and waits as Adoniram reads his Bible, prays, and ponders. When Adoniram leaves, Ko Dwah slips out of the jungle and constructs a rough seat out of bamboo. He also weaves a canopy to provide a little protection from the elements. Ko Dwah knows Adoniram will be back. Now, at least, he can be a bit more comfortable as he battles the waves of despair all alone.
But Adoniram is not alone.
The road that led to Adoniram Judson’s desperate battle with grief was long and painful. Adoniram and his wife Ann arrived in the nation of Burma in 1813. They had traveled halfway across the world from their home in Massachusetts to reach this remote country with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Missionary work in Burma was hard going. Resistance and hardship seemed to face the Judsons at every step. They faced the loss of their little son Roger when he was only seven months old. But after ten years of faithful service, the gospel seemed to be taking hold here and there among the Burmese people.
Then, war.
In 1824, Britain and Burma go to war. One day, Adoniram is violently arrested under suspicion of being a British spy. The accusations are false, but he still spends nearly two years in prison, including a stint in what is known ominously as the “Death Prison”. Adoniram wastes away under unthinkable conditions. Ann, too, struggles to ward off starvation even as she does all she can to help her imprisoned husband. Then, Ann discovers that she is expecting another child. The timing could not be worse. All hope seems lost.
But little Maria is born, the war comes to an end. Adoniram is finally released, and as Ann recovers from a near-death brush with meningitis, it seems that all might be well again. Doors begin to open for more ministry and the future appears promising.
Then, while Adoniram is conducting business in the Burmese capital, he receives a letter bearing a black seal. Maria is a sickly child, so Adoniram is prepared for the worst, expecting to read of the death of his beloved daughter.
He goes to his room, opens the letter, and starts to read.
“My dear Sir: To one who has suffered so much, and with such exemplary fortitude, there needs but little preface to tell a tale of distress. It were cruel indeed to torture you with doubt and suspense. To sum up the unhappy tidings in a few words, Mrs. Judson is no more.”
Grief floods over Adoniram. The shock sends him reeling. He reads on and learns that his wife had another bout with meningitis and this time it took her life. When he receives the letter, his precious Ann has already been dead for nearly a month. He travels back to see Ann’s grave and he tries to carry on with the work, but it seems that all the life has gone out of him.
Frail little Maria dies a few months later and Adoniram buries her with her mother.
Seemingly alone in the world, Adoniram begins to withdraw more and more from the company of others. He turns inward, spending long periods in self-examination.
Why did I come here? Did I really come to Burma out of love for God and concern for the souls of the Burmese? Was it pride or ambition that led me to leave my home and risk my wife’s life in this inhospitable jungle?
Adoniram constructs a bamboo hut where he lives by himself away from other missionaries and Burmese believers. He adopts a lifestyle of radical self-denial. He even has a grave dug, where he sits and imagines his own body wasting away. The exercise fails to bring him any comfort.
In his desperation, Adoniram feels utterly alone, abandoned even by God himself. In one letter to Ann’s sisters, Adoniram asks, “Have either of you learned the art of real communion with God, and can you teach me the first principles? God is to me the Great Unknown. I believe in Him, but I find Him not.”
Adoniram’s friends tend to him as they can. They watch over him in his solitude. He can hear a bell ring every time a meal is served at the mission house. He knows he is always welcome to join the others and sometimes he does. When he wants to be alone, one of the missionary wives brings a meal to him.
There is no clear turning point, but the darkness slowly begins to lift.
As he begins his slow climb out of the pit of despair, Adoniram learns that his brother Elnathan has died back in Massachusetts. Adoniram has long prayed that his brother will turn to Christ. Now, with the news of his death, Adoniram is also given reason to believe that his brother trusted Christ before the end. God is still at work, both in Burma and on the other side of the world.
Adoniram rejoins the work of the other missionaries in Burma and he is encouraged by the prospects for ministry. The pain of his loss still lingers, but the more he turns to the work of evangelizing the nation of Burma and translating the Bible into the Burmese language, the more he finds joy alongside his deep sorrow. This will not be the last time Adoniram will experience loss, but with God’s help and the help of fellow Christians, he will continue on for God. The work flourishes, droves of Burmese people come to Christ, and Adoniram finishes his translation of the Bible.
As Adoniram serves his Lord, he finds satisfaction and true joy.
A still, small voice. That’s how God speaks to His servant Elijah. Emotionally, Elijah is in a bad place. He’s had a threat on his life from the wicked and powerful Queen Jezebel, he has asked God to take his life, and he’s traveled by foot for forty days to get to this lonely, secluded mountain. He’s ready to give up and he feels entirely alone.
God speaks to him gently and simply.
“What doest thou here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:13)
“I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.” (1 Kings 19:14)
God does not counter Elijah’s arguments or rebuke him for losing faith. Instead, He gives Elijah a job to do. God wants Elijah to anoint a new king in Syria, anoint another new king in Israel, and anoint a prophet who will one day take Elijah’s place. Then, God adds, “Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.” (1 Kings 19:18)
Elijah leaves the mountain and goes to do the job God has given him.
It’s interesting how God interacts with his despairing servant. He makes it clear to Elijah that he is not needed. God’s work does not depend on Elijah’s involvement. The worship of the one true God will not end if Elijah passes off the scene. God doesn’t need Elijah.
But, God wants Elijah. Just because Elijah is tempted to give up hope, just because he feels alone and defeated does not mean God is ready to throw him away. God has a job for him to do.
Few things feel as hopeless as watching someone we care about struggling with depression or despair. We wish there was a secret formula we could invoke to draw them out and bring them back into the light. The fact is, there is no easy way to climb up out of that dark pit. It tends to be a painful process and it tends to take time.
For those in the pit of despair, Scripture encourages them to wait and continue to cry out to God.
In Psalm 40, David says, “I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.” (Psalm 40:1-3)
God is patient and faithful. He doesn’t need you, but He wants you. He’s not done with you. He still has a job for you to do. Keep waiting on Him and keep praying.
For those looking for a way to help those struggling so deeply, it can be hard to know what to do. But when we don’t know what to do, it’s often best to try to imitate Christ.
Paul says in Romans 15, “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me.” (Romans 15:1-3)
We must fight the urge to be impatient or to chide those who are deeply hurting. Instead, we should follow our Lord’s example. Because of Christ in us, we ought to be able to say with Him to those who are hurting,
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
One way we can help those struggling with the darkness of despair is by reminding them with our words and with our actions that they may not be needed, but they are wanted—by God and by us. In quiet but meaningful ways, we can show them that we care. That might mean making a simple bamboo chair in the middle of the jungle or it might mean bringing a meal to someone who feels like they need to be alone.
God is patient and faithful and His patience and faithfulness shown through us can be like a rope thrown to a drowning soul.
Like other subjects I have introduced on this podcast, the matter of despair doesn’t have an easy answer. But gentle words, loving actions, and the simple gift of our presence can go a long way for those looking for a way out of a deep, dark pit.
No matter how deep the pit, by God’s grace, there is a way back out.
Learn more about Adoniram Judson:
To the Golden Shore by Courtney Anderson
Bless God and Take Courage: The Judson History and Legacy by Rosalie Hall Hunt
The Life of Adoniram Judson by Edward Judson
Exempla 